The Fourteen of Us are Puppies
by Shaggy the Cat
Summary: It's up to Haru Sohma to save the day when the thirteen members of the Zodiac and Akito are transformed into dogs after the Zodiac Banquet on New Year's Eve. HaruxOC. Rated M for language and sexual content. Title is a spoof of My Chemical Romance's Song "Welcome to the Black Parade", which was originally titled "The Five of Us are Dying".
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Haru rolled onto his back as his brain shifted from Sleeping Mode to Waking Mode, not wanting to get up but knowing he had no other choice. But then again, his bed felt warmer than usual, probably because of the warm, furry bodies piled around him.

Wait, warm and furry?

His brown eyes flashed open and he looked around. Balls of fur surrounded him on all sides, all crammed into what appeared to be a cardboard box. He looked down and was met with large white paws which he assumed to be his. He wriggled into a standing position and stepped over the still-sleeping bodies before hoisting his front paws over the edge of the box. Five larger balls of fur, clumped together in a mottled mix of black, reddish-brown, silver, and brownish-blonde, were still sleeping near a brick wall while a brown dog, sitting tall and erect like some sort of guardian, sat near the entrance of the alley they were in. At the sounds of shuffling as Haru tried to get out of the box, the dog's ears twitched and it turned around.

"I never thought the day would come when Hatsuharu Sohma would be one of the first to wake up in the morning," it woofed, standing and padding over to help him out of the box. "Hatori?" The dog nodded. "What happened?" "I'm not really sure. Earlier this morning, one of the maids stormed into my room screaming that the Sohmas had been kidnapped and dogs had somehow gotten into the estate. When she saw me she fainted, then had us all dragged out onto the street. We managed to find an old box and put the eight of you in it before we crashed right here in the alley."

"How did it happen?" Haru asked.

"I don't know that either. I fell asleep a human, and woke up a German Shepard. Same thing with the rest of the members of the Zodiac. Well, us and Akito."

"How did she take it?"

"Not well at all. It took a while before Shigure managed to calm her down. Now," Hatori barked, "we need a place to stay. I'm one hundred percent certain the maids won't let us back into the estate."

"Hashiro would let us stay in her apartment, if I can convince her it's us."

"Hashiro? Akito won't like that..."

"Well, I'd like to see her come up with a better idea. She'll have to deal with it until whatever this is wears off."

"Can you even find her?"

"Yeah. I think I recognize this street. She meets me at the bus stop every morning at eight."

"She might not recognize you."

"I''ll think of something."

"I hope you're right, Haru."

* * *

Haru sat at the bus stop sign, looking around occasionally for his girlfriend to come walking up the street. Several people, mostly children and teenagers, had stopped by to pet him, and some of the kids had begged to keep him. Every teenager that passed by he had studied closely, but so far no one had been his lover. He looked up at the shuffling of sneakers against the concrete and barked excitedly. There she was! Hashiro knelt down to stroke him, then looked around. "Huh, Haru's not here yet," she muttered, picking him up and gently cradling him in her arms. _But I _am _Haru, _he wanted to tell her. _Remember? The guy you had sex with on that big leather recliner in your bedroom? _He whimpered and rubbed the top of his head against her chin. She rubbed his back, then held him out at arm's length and studied him. "You know, you kind of remind me of Haru..." Haru barked, tail wagging so quickly he thought it'd fly off. "Wait a second...HARU?!" He barked again and nodded.

"Was that a yes?"

He nodded again.

"Give me a no so I can be sure."

He shook his head.

"Oh golly gee willikers..." Hashiro muttered, rubbing her temple and sitting down. "How in the world did this happen?" Haru shrugged. "Did it happen to the rest of the Zodiac?" He nodded, then wriggled out of her arms and tugged on the hem of her jeans' leg. "Can you show me where they are?" Haru nodded and barked. She sighed, then stood and rubbed his ears. "Lead the way, then."

* * *

When the two of them arrived, the others had woken up and started barking immediately. Apparently Hatori had told them what Haru had planned. Hashiro knelt down, studying each dog carefully before putting them all to name. "Yuki...Kyo...Hatori...Rin...Momiji...Yes, I see you, Haru...Kagura...Shigure...Ritsu...Ayame...Kureno...Kisa...Hiro...Akito?" Akito grumbled something, apparently not used to the idea of having to rely on someone else when she was the head of the family. Hashiro sighed, then looked down at Haru. "I'm taking you all to my apartment, but remind me to go to the grocery later. I'm gonna need steak. A _lot _of steak."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Haru peered out over the edge of the box before standing on his hind paws and supporting himself by leaning against the side. Hashiro had put all the Sohmas-turned-dogs under the age of twenty back in the box (since they were all puppies) and had Hatori, Ayame, Kureno, Shigure, Ritsu, and a snarling Akito trotting behind her. He didn't know what Akito's animosity toward his girlfriend stemmed from, but he knew Akito would be barked at by yours truly if she tried to insult her. Literally.

Hashiro set the box down in front of the doors of the apartment building and pressed a button, speaking something in English that must have been directed at her Canadian cat-loving neighbor, Mrs. Wickersham. The lady replied, then Hashiro groaned and began speaking again. The conversation continued for a while before the doors opened and she picked up the box again with thirteen doggy faces looking up at her curiously. "You don't want to know what that was about."

She led them all inside, receiving an odd look from the doorman, and ushered them into the elevator before pressing the button for the third floor. When they reached their destination, she led them back out, receiving even more odd looks from the residents, and unlocked the door to her apartment.

She set the box down on the floor, and the eight puppy-Sohmas hopped out and sat down, looking up at her expectedly. "Alright," Hashiro told them, sitting down in front of them. "I know this was all extremely unexpected" - "No kidding," Kyo grumbled - "but until this whole problem is resolved, you'll have to deal with it. And you'll have to deal with me. Rule number one around here: unless if in retaliation," - here she shot a hard look at Kyo - "no fighting. We're all family here, sort of, so at least try to act like one. Or would you rather be tossed back out onto the street?"

Furry heads were quickly shaken, and Hashiro smirked. "Very well then. If you don't mind, I''ll be heading over to the supermarket, cuz now I have thirteen extra mouths to feed, and then over to where you all live to get your clothes. Let's face it: other than Haru, I've never seen any of you naked and frankly, I don't want to. I'll be back in about three hours; Hatori, Yuki, Kisa, Kureno, and Haru are in charge."

When the other dogs tossed her confused looks, she sighed. "Because you, you, you, you, you, you, and you" - here she pointed at Kyo, Hiro, Ayame, Shigure, Ritsu, Momiji, and Kagura - "are too immature to be left alone for five minutes, you" - here she pointed at Rin - "because you'd get into a fight somehow, and you" - here she pointed at Akito - "because you hate my guts for reasons I don't really know yet. Like I said, I'll be back in about three hours, and I'd better not come home to a destroyed apartment."

The door shut, and the seven other puppies took off, as puppies do because they are curious little critters and they'd never been in Hashiro's apartment before, while Haru waddled into the bedroom and stared up at the big leather recliner that he and Hashiro had made love on for the first time. It even smelled like it: sex, sweat, themselves. It hardly scented at all of leather or the large man that had had the chair previously before he'd died of a flesh-eating disease and Hashiro had taken the vacant apartment. He hopped onto the large seat and bounced a few times, wanting to curl up on it and nap - he was already feeling tired even though he'd woken up only an hour ago - but then remembered that Hashiro had entrusted upon him watch duty and vacated the chair before trying to dash back into the living room, tripping over his paws in the process.


End file.
